Grief, as WandaVision shows us, isn’t just sorrow; it’s an expression of the depth of love. Wanda’s decision to create an alternate world where Vision lives again isn’t driven by malice, but by longing. Her grief becomes a tether—a desperate attempt to hold onto someone who meant everything to her. In one of the show’s most poignant moments, Vision says, “What is grief, if not love persevering?” This single line reframes grief not as weakness, but as a powerful continuation of love.

Through Wanda’s heartbreak, WandaVision invites us to see our own losses differently. We grieve because we loved, and that love doesn’t vanish with death. It lives on in memory, in yearning, and sometimes, in the stories we tell ourselves to cope. Grief, painful as it is, is proof that love mattered—and still does. Wanda’s journey reminds us: love doesn’t die. It transforms.

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In today’s fast-paced world, we’re constantly urged to stay busy, to be productive, to check things off our lists. And while productivity is important, how often do we take a moment to slow down, reset, or just breathe? It’s easy to get caught up in the hustle, but the truth is—sometimes, hitting pause is the most productive thing we can do.

This is where yoga comes in.

When we practice yoga, whether it’s through intentional movement or a few moments of stillness, we’re doing more than just stretching. We’re signaling to our body that it’s okay toslow down, to release that constant sense of urgency. By pairing poses with breath, or simply sitting in mindful stillness, we create space to let go of anxious thoughts and bring ourselves into the present moment.

Yoga is not just about flexibility or strength—it’s about reconnecting with yourself and your surroundings. The simple act of moving slowly and breathing deeply tells our nervous system that we are safe. It allows us to shift away from “fight-or-flight” mode, calming our bodies and minds. When that happens, we can focus on what’s truly important in the here and now.

I used to rush out the door, overwhelmed by my never-ending list of tasks. But now, before I dive into the whirlwind of the day, I take just 5-10 minutes for myself—a few gentle stretches, a moment of stillness, and a breath of clarity. When I open my eyes again, I’m ready to face the day with a renewed sense of focus and peace.

So, if you’re feeling the weight of your own to-do list, take a moment to pause, breathe, and reset. Yoga can help you find that balance—and it doesn’t have to be a huge time commitment to feel the benefits.

Namaste.

Amy Kendall is a 200-hour Registered Yoga teacher. She teaches trauma and grief informed gentle yoga, chair yoga, and mindfulness at The Center for Grief and Trauma Therapy in Pike Creek, DE.

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First, let me start off by saying that I am a person who believes in signs of some sorts.

(I implore you to keep reading even if that first sentence throws you off as complete BS. But hey, it’s your life, so you do you.)

About a year ago, I found myself getting restless, considering some type of change, and looking for the sign. I of course had no idea what I was looking for, when it would come, where I would be, or how I would even recognize this mythical sign, but I held out. Mostly, I just like to overthink things and then overthink them again, so the whole “waiting on a sign” thing helped me to procrastinate a bit (which is very much against my nature). At first I told myself that I was only feeling this way because of the pandemic, and that everyone must be feeling this way and I just needed to wait it out.

Waiting it out worked for about 3 months, but I continued to become more restless, especially at work. I loved my job — I loved the people I worked with (for the most part), the types of tasks assigned to me (for the most part), and even the challenges and stress that came along with it (for the most part… sometimes). I recognized my privilege — I was working within a well-known healthcare system, made good money, and was staring down the barrel of no uncertain job security, if this pandemic had anything to do with it. It was difficult, but it was a hospital and everyone was having a difficult time, it was the middle of a pandemic.

I came up with all kinds of reasons to stay, to keep going, to assign my feelings to something else. And, it worked for another while. I told myself that things could only get better and that I should count my blessings. Whatever was going on in my heart didn’t match what my brain was telling me, so I just picked Team Brain as often as I could. Until, my very own sign came.

When the Sign Appears in Unexpected Places

When we talk about ‘signs’ often it’s some sort of mystical and magical event — the rainbow after a sun shower, a song that reminds us of what’s important right when we need it, or even a wish, prayer, or manifested thought come true. These things are incredible, and when they happen, it’s very difficult to ignore them and their meanings.

My sign, however, was much less an out of body cosmic experience and much more of a…well, a sign. No, a real sign. You know, a piece of wood with words written on it. In particular, the kind that some people (read: me) have all over their houses. It was the kind of sign that someone with a zen room (me again) puts up to read while they do yoga, meditate, journal, or [insert mindful activity here]. This sign though, wasn’t in a zen room, a yoga studio, or even a nail salon. It was in a bathroom. Maybe not the exact place you would expect to find something that causes an epiphany, but it was there nonetheless. And hey, I guess why not hang a sign when you have a captive audience?

The sign said:

“If it costs you your peace, it’s too expensive.”

Breaking Down the Message

Please believe me when I say that I have read a great many inspirational quotes. I have written them in my bullet journal, drawn them into being on a sketch pad, put them on fake wood to hang around my house, and even had one inked into my forearm. I am all about the inspirational quotes — but this was one I had never heard before in quite this way. I found myself dissecting it to understand exactly what the message was for me — it was my sign after all.

If it…

What is “it”? It for me in that moment was the type of lifestyle I was living, the stress of my job, the constant keeping up with things, the worrying and worrying about worrying. IT was, quite frankly, a pain in the butt. “It” can be just about anything — a job, a relationship, a toxic environment, a task you put on yourself, etc.

…costs you…

What does it look like for something, especially something with no true monetary value, to “cost” anything? Well, the cost can be just about anything. There’s the cost

of time, (money obviously), safety, mental sanity, and security and peace of mind, which leads us to…

…your peace…

Peace is going to look different for everyone. For some of my crunchy granola/yogi/organic friends (whose club I am clearly joining now), peace can be spiritual, metaphysical, time to breathe, space to oneself. For others, it could be as straightforward as peace of mind — feeling secure — or peace and quiet — some time away from all the noise and sensory stimulation. Whatever it is that brings you as close to zen/centered/calm as possible, that is your peace.

…it’s too expensive.

Expense is generally a well understood concept in a capitalist society, but it’s not all about money. There is the expense of time, of patience with oneself and others, of the physical burden placed on the human body.

What It Looks Like in Real Life

So, how do I know if “it” is “costing me” my “peace” and thereby is “too expensive”? To understand this further, let’s look at some examples by substituting some different words into the place of the quote.

Remember: If it costs you your peace, it’s too expensive.

• If my involvement in the soccer team (it) is causing me to lose control of my emotions in front of the kids (cost) and makes me feel like a bad father (peace), I am spending too much of my emotional energy on this (expensive).
• When I am at work (it) where the expectations are high, I get more flustered and frustrated than I normally do (cost). This causes significant stress (peace) which I then bring home and take out on my family (expensive).
• As much as I care about my husband, my relationship (it) and our interactions often leave me feeling unlovable (cost), which can often cause my depressive symptoms to go into high gear (peace) and I have trouble letting go for some time afterward (expensive).

These are, of course, just a small selection of examples, but I believe that just about anyone can solve this equation in their own lives. For me, it was my work and anxiety level (it) that were making me feel like I wasn’t good enough or should be able to handle things better (cost). While I knew this wasn’t true, the thoughts would weigh on me, causing a significant drain on my happiness during non-work hours (peace) and I began to feel the anxiety creep in even on weekends (expensive).

When It’s Time to Make a Change

Don’t get me wrong — this was not as simple as I lay it out to be. A decision like this can sometimes be made quickly, but sometimes takes a significant amount of time and weighing of options, even if you know the answer all along.

So, if you’ve been looking for a sign, hoping an answer might fall from the sky, or just pondering whether signs really exist, let me give it to you.

HERE IS YOUR SIGN.

Whatever you are looking for, here it is.

Quit the job. Buy the shoes. Break up with that guy. Start your own business. Take the interview. Move to a new state. Cut the toxic friend out. Delete your Facebook account. Read the book; hell, write the book. Go back to school. Take a chance. Make a change. Be yourself.

You can do it. I believe in you. If you need to make a change for the better, take my sign and my confidence in as your own if you need to. Borrow it, or don’t give it back — I don’t care. You will thank yourself in the end, and you’ll have your peace back.

The post If You Are Looking for a Sign, This Might be It appeared first on Center for Grief and Trauma Therapy.

Giving Yourself Permission to Feel

If you have been looking for one, or even if you haven’t, this is your sign: your feelings matter more. Your feelings, your grief, your needs – they matter more than a brunch. They matter more than the annual family gathering. They matter more than any previously discussed plan. Whether the thought of Mother’s Day makes you want to do anything to keep your mind away from that which brings you pain, or makes you want to sit in your grief under the covers and resurface only when the day is done, you have the right to carry out that plan. If distraction is your choice, go for it. Focus on your friends, your other family members, other incredible women in your life, other children you may have. Celebrate the things in your life that bring you joy and avoid the incessant advertisements and themed Lifetime movies. How you handle the day is your choice. If you want to take the day to remember who was lost, do that. Spend some time in a special place, do something that would make them smile, write a letter or email updating the person on everything that has happened since they were lost, or share with someone else something that your lost loved one shared with you. How you handle the day is your choice.

Making Space for Both Grief and Life

Now, don’t get me wrong, distraction and remembrance aren’t mutually exclusive. Often times, on special days like this, we can become torn between life and loss. But the truth is, grief doesn’t require a choice; it doesn’t have to be an or. In fact, the best way to spend Mother’s Day for you may be to make space for and. Make time to remember and honor your loss, but spend time celebrating what remains in your life as well. Above all though, give yourself grace. Contrary to popular belief, grief doesn’t exist in stages, and grief does not simply end. We don’t just “move on” from our losses, rather we move forward despite them. But as we move forward, we carry a piece of that which we lost with us forever. To quote Marvel’s supremely intelligent superhero Vision, “What is grief if not love persisting?” Grief looks different from person to person, day by day, and even hour by hour – give yourself the grace to experience your own grief journey without expecting yourself to live out someone else’s. You deserve that grace.

A Gentle Affirmation for Mother’s Day

And, in the spirit of being kind to ourselves this Mother’s Day and every day, I encourage you to practice this affirmation with me:

“I am safe. I am not alone in my grief. I have the right to spend this day in a way that respects my emotions. I have the right to change my mind as my emotions and needs change. I am grateful for the happiness the person I lost brought to my life. I am grateful for the lessons I learned through them. I am grateful for those who remain in my life and bring me joy. I do not have to choose between life and death. I can love both those who are physical and those who are not. My grief is just as unique as the person I lost. My grief journey is my own and I give myself the grace to experience it as it comes.”

The post When Mother’s Day Hurts appeared first on Center for Grief and Trauma Therapy.

While it is an inevitable reality for all of us, older people have unique and often worse effects from loss.  

How Grief Affects Older Adults Physically and Emotionally

• Grief often has an impact on physical health at any age, but older people are at a much higher risk for severe health problems due to increased stress levels combined with current health conditions and natural physical aging processes. 
• Appetite changes can be a concern for grieving individuals at any age.  Many people already experience decreased appetite as they get older, which makes it more likely for older adults to skip meals and even go days without eating during bereavement.
• Confusion is a common effect of grief.  For an older person, this can be more intense and additionally include forgetfulness, disorientation, and disorganization.  The cognitive side effects combined with increased financial pressure especially with the loss of a spouse can develop into high-stress financial difficulties.
• Finally, isolation and loneliness are pervasive issues among older people.  When someone they love dies, this loneliness only becomes more intense.  Social isolation drastically increases the risk of premature death from every cause for every race, and the risk presented is similar in magnitude to that of obesity, smoking, lack of access to care, and physical inactivity. 

Why Older Adults Often Grieve Alone

Not only do older adults suffer in more intense ways, they also tend to suffer alone.  Unfortunately, the times and culture that raised today’s older people created the unrealistic and painful mindset of “picking oneself up by the bootstraps” and essentially dealing with difficult emotions without help.  Additionally, society tends to ignore the multiple and dynamic losses of older people, almost as though we expect them to get used to loss and not experience grief as intensely as someone younger with less experience with loss and death.  

The Many Losses That Come With Aging

The inherent challenge of living a long life is that we lose many of our most important people (parents, siblings, spouses, friends, sometimes even children).  There also tends to be a high degree of anticipatory grief for people who are still living, as these people may receive health diagnoses including Alzheimer’s, other causes of dementia, and cognitive impairment.  These conditions cause changes in personality and ability to communicate, leading to ambiguous loss, and individuals with these diagnoses frequently end up institutionalized (long term hospitalizations, and placements in memory care units or skilled nursing facilities).  It is also likely older people may begin to lose a lot of the independence they have spent their entire adult lives enjoying,  Older people are usually faced with the loss of ability and health, ultimately leading to the loss of careers, homes, personal possessions, vacations, pets, driver’s licenses, and overall sense of life purpose.  This rapid accumulation of losses is profound and will lead to “bereavement overload,” making it nearly impossible for one to accept and process one loss before another occurs.

How to Support an Older Adult Through Grief

Some important things to consider particularly helpful when supporting an older person during bereavement include:

• Keep them company.  Spending time together, whether it’s meeting for tea, watching a TV show together, or just spending time on the phone, can help the person feel less lonely and decrease the negative effects of social isolation.
• Do not avoid the topic of their loved one who died.  Open the door for them to process their grief by sharing their memories and emotions by offering a memory of your own or expressing curiosity to know more about the person.
• Support them with daily tasks like picking up groceries, cooking a meal, assist with paperwork, or take them to doctor’s appointments.  Often, people who are grieving don’t know what to ask for when they are told, “please let me know if there is anything I can do.”  Pick something you are comfortable doing and do it without waiting to be asked. 
• Keep helping long-term.  Most people receive a lot of support and help initially, especially immediately after the death and funeral.  That support quickly dwindles, and the months and years after the loss become difficult and lonely, especially around anniversaries, birthdays, and holidays.  Keep in touch and keep helping with those things you are comfortable helping with.
• Remind them that grief counseling exists and can be incredibly helpful.  Having someone to talk to week after week about the grief rollercoaster they are on can be helpful not only in processing and healing, but also in limiting the negative effects of social isolation.  

Finding Professional Support for Grief

Our therapists are available to provide grief counseling to you and your family in-person or virtually. Call us at 302-635-0505 to set up an appointment to meet with one of our grief and trauma specialists.

The post Older People Grieve Differently appeared first on Center for Grief and Trauma Therapy.

The Immediate Outpouring of Support

The first few weeks were a whirlwind in which my husband and I were tasked with getting all of Dad’s proverbial ducks in a row and tying up the seemingly infinite loose ends. Fortunately, through all of this, there was an overwhelming outpouring of love and support.

Friends and family members called, texted and emailed incessantly. There were cards, flowers, fruit baskets and booze. Groups of friends appeared for impromptu visits, and the attendance at the funeral service was staggering. Hundreds of people arrived to not only pay their respects, but to be there for us.

When the Support Suddenly Stops

Then it stopped.

No more phone calls. No more texts or emails. And definitely no more flowers or visits. What the hell? We chalked it up to people being busy and having lives of their own. That’s understandable. I mean, there was no way people could forget that we just lost our father to suicide.

But over time it became apparent we weren’t on the receiving end of peoples’ forgetfulness. Their memories were intact. The quiet took on a different feel, and it seemed as though people were avoiding talking about our loss. The mention of my dad in conversation appeared to induce uneasy smiles, fidgeting or a swift change in subject.

We were at a loss, and the silence was deafening.

“I Don’t Know What to Say”

So, eventually I straightforwardly asked a friend of 25 years why she hadn’t been reaching out about how we are doing, or more importantly, why she rarely spoke of my dad. Her response was simple: “I don’t know what to say.”

My friend also shared her feelings of anxiety about potentially causing me to have a bad day, or to think about the loss when I otherwise wouldn’t have been. This is a kind sentiment, and one I have heard from numerous others over time. So, my response to all of you caring, protective types is this: Suicide loss survivors don’t forget. The loss is, and will be, with me at all times. It is now an integral part of who I am. I mean, I’m not walking around sobbing, but the void is still there. And that’s okay.

The Role of Stigma in Suicide Loss

As a loss survivor and as a psychologist, I have gained liberal awareness of the prevalence of stigma. That little word is a big bully and likely played a role in the silence we experienced after the loss of my dad, as well as in the lives of countless survivors of suicide loss.

Approximately 90 percent of those who die by suicide have a diagnosable mental illness at the time of their death. Suicide is not weak, selfish or the result of a character flaw – it is, for lack of a better explanation, a monstrous side-effect of an illness. It is not a wish to die, but the desire to end pain.

Unfortunately, stigmatization and negative attitudes towards mental illness remain prevalent in society. Suicide is prone to stigmatize both the deceased and loss survivors, often leading those left behind to experience rejection, shame and guilt. Many don’t realize stigma does not only manifest in the “typical” overt ways (intentionally hurtful comments, shunning of survivors, judgment of the deceased as weak or selfish), but also presents through more omitting behaviors (avoidance of conversation about the deceased, a lack of interest in the wellbeing of the survivor). Silence in a place where an individual expected support can be the most devastating.

Breaking the Silence Around Suicide Loss

We are strong. However, survivors of suicide loss, especially family members, are at a particularly high risk for depression and co-morbid suicidal ideation and behaviors. Be mindful.

It’s time to fill the silence:

Remember, and speak of those lost fondly and often.

Talk, reminisce, laugh, cry and heal.

Replace your judgment with compassion and understanding.

Open your mind, your eyes, and your mouth.

Reach out to those left behind.

Educate. Advocate. Eradicate stigma.

Be the voice to end suicide.

The post The Silence After Tragic Loss appeared first on Center for Grief and Trauma Therapy.

When Personal Loss Reshapes the Holidays

My brother, Damien, died on Christmas day. Three weeks later my grandfather died. Two weeks after that my sister adopted out my newborn nephew. A month later, my parents moved from when I lived to the midwest. It was an impossible time for me. Christmas was changed forever. And has stayed changed. Traditions, rituals, and even relationships have morphed into something new. But it took time to adjust to that. Sometimes the holidays seem so overwhelming, but other years it is more manageable. But my awareness of the increase of my grief is clear.

The Pressure of “How the Holidays Should Be”

It doesn’t always help when we watch movies, are invited to gatherings, or preparing our homes that we have these messages of how the holidays “should” be. How often do we see a commercial of families gathering around the dinner table laughing and sharing? Now how often do those commercials reflect the pain of a person who may be missing from that table? It can make us feel like we are doing something wrong or even making others feel bad by sharing our grief. I’ve heard some people say, “I don’t want everyone else around me feel bad or ruin their holidays. So I don’t say anything and I just kind of push it away as best I can.” It’s complicated…and often results in many conflicting emotions that can feel overpowering.

Well, we have to get through this, right? How? What are some ways to cope with your grief as the holidays approach?

Give Yourself Permission to Feel

The experiences and expectations around these holidays can really trigger some intense emotions and painful memories, which may or may not be shared by others who also are grieving. That’s OK. We all grieve in our unique ways. Some of us are more likely to talk with a person who can hear our pain without trying to “fix it,” while others need time alone to process quietly. Sometimes we even need a combination of both. Follow your instincts and allow your feelings to be as they are. Pushing them down only makes them more intense…kind of like the pressure of a volcano when it cannot let out any of its built up pressure. An explosion, or implosion in this case, can result.

Take Time for Yourself and Maintain a Routine

Finding ways to have boundaries around self-care can make overwhelming thoughts and feelings feel more manageable. If you are taking care of your mind, body, and spirit, in whichever way is comfortable for you, you will have more bandwidth to navigate your grief in healthier ways. Questions to ask yourself are how much time do you want to spend with people? How much social media should you look at? What kind of activities feel too much to handle? And if you change your mind at the last minute, how will you communicate that clearly?

Also, maintaining a routine provides some structure. When you have structure, there can be a sense of feeling grounded. So in a way, that feeling of having an anchor in your daily life with consistent sleep, healthy food, exercise, spending time with your hobbies, meditating, etc., creates a “container.” You find ways to feel like you have space for your grief while also still feeling like you are keeping your life on a healthy track.

Be Patient With Your Grieving Process

In a previous blog, I talked about how grief is not a linear process. We do not go from one stage or another (such as denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance). Grief is messy. There are way more emotions than just this simple prescription we are told to believe. Grief circles around and takes turns that are unexpected. It surges and dips down…but all the while we are striving to accept the reality of our loss, find ways to adjust our life to accommodate for all the changes, and remain connected to our lost loved one while also giving ourselves permission to move forward.

This takes time. You cannot force it to go any faster just like you cannot force a flower to bloom before its time. Allowing your grieving process to unfold naturally is the way through. It is going to hurt, and we naturally want to shy away from pain. But grief is the price we pay for love, and I do not think you’d give up all the love you shared just to avoid the grief you have now. Maybe at times it feels that way, and that’s OK as well. But in the end, when your grief is not as intense, you may feel differently about that.

Plan Ahead for the Holidays

Your holidays may need to look different now. Life the way you knew it is no longer, and as a result, figuring out how to adjust to those changes will be part of getting through them. What changes will you need to make? How can you honor your relationship and loved one’s memory while still engaging with the days ahead.

Christmas was HARD after Damien died. Really hard! My grief surges when I approach Christmas…it sometimes even takes me over. I realize there was no way I could work for a few days before Christmas. As a grief specialist, my ability to be there for my clients as they moved through the holidays was reduced. I had to learn to take care of myself and put a boundary around that time even though in my heart I wanted to be there for them too. But that’s just a fact for me now. I’ve learned to be OK with that because I cannot very well encourage others to have boundaries if I cannot put them in place for myself.

One way of managing these difficult times is to put together a ritual. It doesn’t need to be elaborate…or it can be. Whatever you’d like. Include others if you can. If you can do so earlier in the day, it helps to know you have allowed yourself to feel and share your thoughts and emotions and helps the rest of the day be manageable. Focus on reconnection with your loved one, and make sure that when you are done your ritual, you give yourself a few moments to reset and then transition into the rest of the day. It’s important that the ritual be meaningful by including objects or memories. For example, in my ritual for my brother, I always include brownies. Brownies were a favorite of ours in the family, and I have a lot of special memories around making them with my him. So now I make them every single year. I share them with my loved ones, light a candle next to his picture, and tell stories about memories I have of him.

Don’t Go Through Grief Alone

Now, I know I said that sometimes being alone is important. But the research shows that even if you have just one person you can share your feelings with, your grief will likely be easier to manage. There is a saying I love: Joy shared is joy doubled, grief shared is grief halved. That speaks volumes. Reach out to others as you need them so you know you are not alone in your pain. those trusted people you can lean on and let yourself do so. Ask people for what you need.

I wish you the best as you are trying to learn how to do this “new normal.” And remember, if it is feeling like it’s too hard to manage, reach out to a grief specialist who can help you through

The post Grief and the Holidays appeared first on Center for Grief and Trauma Therapy.

To start with a little history – Halloween, or All Hallows’ Eve, has been celebrated on the 31^st since the beginning, as this was considered last day of summer before the cold winter. It began as a Celtic tradition, and it was believed that on this night ghosts of the dead came back to the living world, and others needed to wear masks (not the medical kind!) when leaving their homes to keep the ghosts confused

November 1^st and 2^nd, All Saints’ and All Souls’ Days, have been long celebrated by Western Christians as a day to remember their loved ones and even visit their graves to leave candles or flowers.

Elsewhere in the world, other traditions are upheld:

• In Nepal, the Festival of the Cows (Gaijatra) is celebrated to remember the people who died in the previous year, while helping with the pain and acceptance of death. Family members who have lost a loved one in the last year lead a procession of cows through the center of the town. In Hinduism cows are considered sacred, so it is believed they can be a guide for the recently deceased.
• In Mexico, El Día de los Muertos, or The Day of the Dead, is observed on the first two days of November. This celebration is much less solemn, and includes food, music, drinks and engaging in activities their loved ones enjoyed during life. Beautiful skulls and crosses are used as decorations to mark the occasion.
• With similar color and fanfare, The Bon Festival (Obon), (held in August) has been celebrated in Japan for over 500 years. It is a festive celebration to honor loved ones who have died, accompanied by fireworks, dances and games lasting three days. At the end of the Buddhist festival of Obon, the Japanese celebrate Toro Nagashi, where thousands of lanterns are set on the water to remember the souls that have died.
• In East Asian countries, The Hungry Ghost Festival, takes place throughout the ‘ghost month’ of the Chinese calendar, when it is believed that spirits come back to the living world to roam. On the 15^th day, offerings are made, even leaving a space at the table for the departed soul. At the end of the month, families place lanterns on the water to help lead the souls back to their former world.

As you can see, there are so many ways that different cultures celebrate their dead – and that’s the most interesting part – the celebrations. While many times we think of only mournful or sad times accompanying death, bringing people together to unite and rejoice over the lives of the deceased is very common. One way that all different countries and peoples to this is through the common theme of light – whether it be lanterns on water, or sent to the sky, or candles left on the streets – light has been used for centuries as a way to remember those we have lost. Maybe this fall, you can light a candle or use light in another way to remember a loved one your family has lost.

The post All Hallows Ever…and Other Traditions appeared first on Center for Grief and Trauma Therapy.

Why Rituals Help in the Grieving Process

Research has helped highlight the importance of rituals to help individuals process grief, remain resilient against emotional distress, and ultimately regain a sense of control over a strange new world without the deceased.  Most people tend to associate the term “rituals” with public displays of mourning, such as funerals, wearing black, and other cultural and religious customs associated with death.  But there is a vast bank of lesser-known individual and private rituals to tap into to help one find an enduring connection with the deceased while embarking on a new life reinvesting energies in new relationships and activities. 

One never has to give up the relationship you have with your deceased loved one, rather, one has to do work to transform the relationship. 

Personal Rituals to Stay Connected With a Loved One

Here are some suggestions that may help achieve this goal:

• Create an altar in your home by placing important items such as totems, pictures, flowers, and candles that connect you to your loved one.
• Light a candle at certain, special times of the day or week to remind you of your loved one (for example, light a candle at the dinner table to represent sharing meals).
• Create a memory scrapbook, box, or area in your home – fill it with photos, letters, notes, and significant memorabilia.
• Spend time listening to your loved one’s favorite music or create a special mix of music that reminds you of that person.  Or watch their favorite movie or TV show.
• Plant a tree or flowers, or build an outdoor bench in your loved one’s memory.
• Donate time or money to a charity your loved one supported.
• Visit your loved one’s burial site.
• Carry a totem – something special that reminds you of your loved one, or that comforts you when things get tough (a worry stone, fidget toy, piece of jewelry) that you can take out and hold when you feel the need.
• Create a work of art (painting, writing, music, crafting) in your loved one’s memory.
• Prepare and eat a special meal in honor of your loved one.
• Meditate, pray, or read healing literature or a sacred text.
• Get a meaningful tattoo to help ritualize and process your grief.
• Make a quilt out of your loved one’s clothing.
• Dive into your loved one’s past – utilize other family members, ancestry services to work out your family tree and dig deep into your loved one’s history.

Ways to Communicate With a Loved One Who Has Died

• Write a letter.  Keep it, burn it, float it in a nearby river.
• Send a helium balloon into the heavens with notes written on rice paper inside or write your messages directly onto the balloon.
• Talk out loud with your loved one.
• Keep a journal.

Ritual Ideas for Holidays and Special Dates

• On birthdays, bake your loved one’s favorite meal or cake and gather friends for a celebration dedicated to your loved one’s memory.
• Acknowledge the presence and importance of your loved one on holidays –  light a candle, display a flower, and/or even set a place at the table for your loved one.  Have everybody at the table share a special memory of him or her.
• On Christmas, decorate with purpose – use items that hold special meaning or memories; incorporate new items if you feel comfortable and hope to create new special meaning and memories.  Hang up a stocking for your loved one.  Buy one new ornament each year in memory of your loved one.
• Purchase a gift for your loved one and then donate it.
• To help reduce holiday stress, create a list of all your usual holiday traditions and what is usually important.  You have the options of returning to these traditions, focusing on what you feel is most important, changing traditions, eliminating certain traditions, or creating completely new traditions.  There is no “right way” to celebrate your holidays.

Learn More About the Benefits of Grief Rituals

• If you are interested in learning more about the benefits of rituals, see this professional publication in the Journal of Experimental Psychology: https://www.hbs.edu/faculty/Publication%20Files/norton%20gino%202014_e44eb177-f8f4-4f0d-a458-625c1268b391.pdf.

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