To start with a little history – Halloween, or All Hallows’ Eve, has been celebrated on the 31^st since the beginning, as this was considered last day of summer before the cold winter. It began as a Celtic tradition, and it was believed that on this night ghosts of the dead came back to the living world, and others needed to wear masks (not the medical kind!) when leaving their homes to keep the ghosts confused

November 1^st and 2^nd, All Saints’ and All Souls’ Days, have been long celebrated by Western Christians as a day to remember their loved ones and even visit their graves to leave candles or flowers.

Elsewhere in the world, other traditions are upheld:

• In Nepal, the Festival of the Cows (Gaijatra) is celebrated to remember the people who died in the previous year, while helping with the pain and acceptance of death. Family members who have lost a loved one in the last year lead a procession of cows through the center of the town. In Hinduism cows are considered sacred, so it is believed they can be a guide for the recently deceased.
• In Mexico, El Día de los Muertos, or The Day of the Dead, is observed on the first two days of November. This celebration is much less solemn, and includes food, music, drinks and engaging in activities their loved ones enjoyed during life. Beautiful skulls and crosses are used as decorations to mark the occasion.
• With similar color and fanfare, The Bon Festival (Obon), (held in August) has been celebrated in Japan for over 500 years. It is a festive celebration to honor loved ones who have died, accompanied by fireworks, dances and games lasting three days. At the end of the Buddhist festival of Obon, the Japanese celebrate Toro Nagashi, where thousands of lanterns are set on the water to remember the souls that have died.
• In East Asian countries, The Hungry Ghost Festival, takes place throughout the ‘ghost month’ of the Chinese calendar, when it is believed that spirits come back to the living world to roam. On the 15^th day, offerings are made, even leaving a space at the table for the departed soul. At the end of the month, families place lanterns on the water to help lead the souls back to their former world.

As you can see, there are so many ways that different cultures celebrate their dead – and that’s the most interesting part – the celebrations. While many times we think of only mournful or sad times accompanying death, bringing people together to unite and rejoice over the lives of the deceased is very common. One way that all different countries and peoples to this is through the common theme of light – whether it be lanterns on water, or sent to the sky, or candles left on the streets – light has been used for centuries as a way to remember those we have lost. Maybe this fall, you can light a candle or use light in another way to remember a loved one your family has lost.

The post All Hallows Ever…and Other Traditions appeared first on Center for Grief and Trauma Therapy.

What Is Anticipatory Grief?

Anticipatory grief is simply defined as the lingering sense that one will experience loss in the future, through death or dreaded event.  This form of grief often remains under the surface, hiding out in our subconscious leading to symptom flare ups that seemingly lack origin.  Our society does not talk about the grief you feel before a loss as being normal.  Instead, we have been conditioned to avoid the difficult emotions and encourage people with meaningless platitudes: “enjoy the time that’s left,” or “don’t worry about the future.”

But the reality is – the grief you feel before a loss is very real, very normal, and your feelings are valid. 

Common Signs of Anticipatory Grief

Symptoms are not much different from those that occur after a loss.  Any of the following may be manifestations of your anticipatory grief:

• Intense worry, concern, or fear
• Depressed mood, sadness, and/or tearfulness
• Anger, irritability, and/or frustration
• Restlessness and agitation, or fatigue and lethargy
• Unintended changes to your diet and/or sleep habits
• Anxiety or emotional numbing
• Guilt

Unique Experiences of Anticipatory Grief

Anticipatory grief also presents in some unique ways.  It is totally normal to experience:

• Increasing concern for the person who is dying, or for yourself as the person who is about to experience a dreaded event
• Imagining or visualizing what the death, loss, or dreaded event will look like
• Preparing for a life after the death or dreaded event
• Attending to “unfinished business”
• Focusing on “worst case” scenarios

Healthy Ways to Cope with Anticipatory Grief

There are some simple things you can do for yourself to help manage and even ease some of these symptoms and experiences.  Here are a few suggestions for how to cope with your grief:

1. Express yourself – journaling and art work are two great hobbies to help you express and process your feelings.
2. Take care of your physical self – eat nutritious and balanced meals, develop healthy sleep hygiene to prevent sleepless nights, and keep your body moving.
3. Take care of your spiritual self – go to church, attend a yoga class, meditate, or read a spiritual book.
4. Go for a walk – walking, especially in nature, promotes creativity and the freedom to think clearly.
5. Practice gratitude, forgiveness, and love – logging what you are grateful for in a gratitude journal, practicing a loving-kindness meditation in the morning, or even just expressing appreciation to loved ones can be a simple way to find joy in the moment, even when there are difficult circumstances surrounding that moment.

When to Consider Professional Support

Grief can be a rollercoaster that makes us feel crazy, even though the experience is quite normal.  It looks different for everyone, and there is no set timeline for when you should expect to feel better.  However, there are some strong indicators that you may benefit from seeking professional help:

• Symptoms last longer than 12 months
• You have trouble completing your normal, daily routines
• You experience depression, intense sadness, or self-blame
• You have difficulty concentrating or feeling motivated
• You find yourself questioning life’s meaning, or wonder if life has any meaning
• You experience pervasive loneliness and the desire to talk about the emotional and physical turmoil
• You are considering seeking professional therapy, but you aren’t certain if you “need it.”

Finding Support for Your Grief

The Center for Grief Therapy and Education is here to help, whatever form your grief may take.  Call today to make an appointment with a compassionate specialist who will validate, normalize, and empower you to cope with your experiences.

The post The Grief You Feel Before the Loss appeared first on Center for Grief and Trauma Therapy.

The Importance of Support During Grief

Firstly, support is essential even when you may not know what to say to help, just lending an ear to the child grieving is already helpful. Everyone needs support, even when they say they don’t.

For the helpers, try not to push, just make sure the child or teen knows you are there whenever they need you. A child or teen grieving may not understand what they are feeling and being questioned may feel like pressure. The child or teen may be worried they will upset you as well if you are yourself grieving. Remember, just making yourself available to the person grieving, whether through a phone call or hug lets them know you are there.

A Message for Children and Teens Experiencing Loss

For the child or teen grieving, I am very sorry for your loss. Death is a part of life, but it may feel like a very unfair part. You may feel cheated, angry, or question why this happened. All of these feelings are normal and part of the grieving process.

Coping with Difficult Feelings

You are not alone in this struggle and others are feeling similar pain. Try to breathe through all of your feelings, sadness, anger, confusion, guilt. Our breath is our energy and part of our soul, and your breath is always with you. Close your eyes and take three deep breaths, feel the breath move through your body, from your belly to your lungs.

Let your tears flow, tears are healing. If you haven’t cried, that is ok, everyone heals differently. Be patient with yourself and take time to do things you enjoyed before you suffered a loss. Things may feel different right now, but these differences do not mean you won’t be able to enjoy them again.

Expressing Your Feelings in Healthy Ways

Reach out to the people around you who are there to support you, you need them as much as they need you. If you are having trouble verbalizing (talking about) your feelings, writing in a journal or diary may help. You can make a journal out of paper and staples or tape, or just a piece of paper will do just fine. Write or draw what you are feeling, do not restrict yourself, all feelings are accepted and welcome. You can keep your journal to yourself or share your feelings with a loved one or friend. You are allowed to have your private thoughts and feelings so keep them to yourself if you feel more comfortable.

The most important thing is to get your feelings out, keeping them in will feel like a fire in your soul. You will get through this, the pain will get easier to deal with, but may not go away. When someone or something touches our soul, they will always be a part of us, but the pain will get easier with time and support. If you ever need help, we are here and ready to listen.

The post Grief and Our Youth appeared first on Center for Grief and Trauma Therapy.

When Grief Does Not Begin to Ease

With this said, there are those grievers, approximately 7-10% of bereaved actually, that do not adapt to their losses. As I mentioned, it is expected, and normal, to be very bereaved after a loss. These reactions are found in that time directly and shortly after a loss, the “acute phase” of grief. You may feel extreme emotions, have physical reactions, experience difficulties in problem solving and memory, want to withdraw from others, have strong feelings and thoughts about your higher power (if that is your belief system), or even not want to do anything at all, to say the least. How long does this last? I wish I had a hard and fast answer for you, but unfortunately, it’s just not that easy. 

However, if the acute phase of grief does not let up and your ability to function well does not return to a “new normal,” you may be experiencing what is called as prolonged grief, also known as complicated grief. As I mentioned above, there are a lot of factors that affect the length of this acute phase. For example, the loss of a child might have a longer acute phase while the loss of a job may not extend as long. However, along the way, there is a gradual return to those people and activities that are important and the griever finds ways to live with the loss. 

What Is Prolonged or Complicated Grief?

For those with prolonged grief, those shifts to a “new normal” do not happen. I have to tread lightly here. Adapting to very deep, painful, life shattering losses often takes much longer to adapt to. I have worked with those who have lost a spouse, a child, a sibling, grandparent, a marriage or partnership, and other types of very deep losses. In some cases, the acute phase of grief can last for a year or two. 

For some bereaved people, they are unable to accept the reality of the loss. They know the loss has occurred, but the full impact, the disbelief that it has happened, and acceptance of the reality of the loss never comes. The griever does not know how to cope with his or her grief in healthy ways, and as a result, their grief feels “stuck”. Fundamentally, the griever avoids the actual process of grieving (even if all he or she thinks about is who or what he or she has lost), and he or she is unable to find a way to live in this changed life. Feeling hopeless about a life lived without their loved one can often occur, and even, in some cases, the griever may feel he or she wishes to die or order to reunite with the person he or she is missing. That’s a scary situation! **

When to Seek Support for Prolonged Grief

Prolonged grief may last years. It even can last a lifetime. If you think you or someone you know is suffering with prolonged grief, professional help from a grief specialist can prove to be very helpful. Finding the way to live with a painful and deep loss is possible, and having someone who can help you find that path is important.

**If you or someone you know is experiencing a loss that is bring up thoughts of self-harm or thoughts of suicide, please call the National Suicide Hotline at 800-273-8255, chat with a professional online, or text HOME to 741741 to connect with a crisis counselor immediately. There is help. Please don’t wait.

The post How Do You Know if Your Grief is Complicated? appeared first on Center for Grief and Trauma Therapy.